would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
