remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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