She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
