Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
