tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
