he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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