I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
