I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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