Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
