I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
