does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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