We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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