I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
