He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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