I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
