My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
