Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
