Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
