i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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