Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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