So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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