ya dads aren't the best wingmen
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize