it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
