you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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