I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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