Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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