hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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