proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
