He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
