well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
