so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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