he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm always down for nudity.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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