Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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