Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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