I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
