Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
