Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
