im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
