I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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