My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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