NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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