im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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