Duck Duck Cougar?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
