dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
