I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
