is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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You're like the curious george of whores
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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