We won't sleep together?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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