Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
