You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
