yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
