"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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