Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
