that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
