I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
two words...techno handjob
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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