I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
