Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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