Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
