I skipped work to stalk him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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