It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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