Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
