I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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