She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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