when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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