Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
