is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
