I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
