so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
