Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
