So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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