You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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