I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
