i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
