The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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