she woke up with a sticky ear
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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