Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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