i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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