dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?