"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?