I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.