Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
