I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
